There was a lot of him and a little penis
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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