We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
pop tarts are not kleenex
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize