i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
