Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
