we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
