So gin and wine won't be happening again
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
