we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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