just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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