He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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