You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize