Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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