how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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