it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
