Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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