Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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