Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I skipped work to stalk him.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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