all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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