I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
