Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize