Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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