Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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