i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
