she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
