He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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