as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize