she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
