Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
