Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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