having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
