OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
