my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dignity is for republicans.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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