i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
