Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
