Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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