Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
