The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
