There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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