I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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