My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
