Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
