we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
