I just pynch a tree in the face
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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