I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
