How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
