Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
