You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize