So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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