just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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