so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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