I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
