dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
