It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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