It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
