I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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