have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
