I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
