i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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