I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
