bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
