Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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