Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I will be naked everywhere
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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