and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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