I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
