wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
