____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
