the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
