Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
