i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
