i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
