Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
