I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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