wat bout pragnant strippers??
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
