I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
