yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
