My room smells like vodka and shame
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
