I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
