you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
