Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
