He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
