And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
