my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
