i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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