she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
