I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
