I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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