and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
