If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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