I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
