We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize