Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
