dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
