Can Purell be used as lube?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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