I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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