Banned from zoo.
Again?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
