I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
